Dear Dr. Smartypants,

I have a serious problem with my pets. What should I do?

Signed,
Unhappy

Dear Clueless,

Broken appliances are not pets. Try your local pet store for good examples of real pets. Considering your skill at keeping "pets" safe, I recommend a pet king cobra. That will clean up the gene pool nicely.

Dr. Smartypants

[ Jacob Davenport ]