Dear Dr. Smartypants,
My duck seems incapable of quacking. He spends all of his time beaming with joy and self-satisfaction. I would prefer quacking.

Roy Bindleson

Dear Roy,
You should endeavor to determine precisely what it is that's causing your duck to be so happy, and then squash it. Squash it like the disgusting bug that it is. The quacking will follow.

Dr. Smartypants

[kjh]