Dear Dr. Smartypants,
My grandfather's favorite book was always Jack Kerouac's On the Road. Now that he suffers from Alzheimer's disease, he's always hitchhiking with his large thumb. He's very successful at it, too. I'm having to fetch him more and more often. What should I do?

Driven Crazy in Denver

Dear Crazy,
Cut off his thumbs. I just learned a good meatball recipe you can use with them, too.

Dr. Smartypants

[jpd]