Dear Dr. Smartypants,
In college, I got involved in an organ-smuggling ring. We stored hearts and brains in the drink-machines to keep them cold. Unfortunately, a practical-joker shook up the cans before opening them, which busted the hearts, and statically charged the brains. What should I do?

Going to Pieces,
Pawtucket, ME

Dear Pawtucket,
I only drink Dr. Pepper, being a doctor and all. Since you're asking about Coke and Pepsi, you're shit out of luck.

Dr. Smartypants

[jpd]